Lazarus's Language Bits

Classmate and Attorney Barry Lazarus has sent in this "good humor" for you to ponder as we think about our distant past.

Item #1: (Sent in the fall of 2016)

Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word murgatroyd?


 

Lost Words from our childhood:


 

Words gone as fast as the buggy whip! Sad really! The other day a not so elderly (65) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy and he looked at her quizzically and said what the heck is a Jalopy? OMG (new) phrase!  He never heard of the word jalopy!!  She knew she was old but not that old...


 

Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle...

by Richard Lederer


 

About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included "Don't touch that dial," "Carbon copy," "You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry."

Back in the olden days we had a lot of Moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right.

Heavens to Betsy!  Gee whillikers!  Jumping Jehoshaphat!   Holy moly!

We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!

Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell?

Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers.

Oh, my aching back. Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.

We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, well I'll be a monkey's uncle!, or, This is a fine kettle of fish!  We discover that the words we grew up with,- the words that seemed omnipresent as oxygen have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.

Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone. Where have all those phrases gone?

Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it.

Hey! It's your nickel.

Don't forget to pull the chain.   Knee high to a grasshopper.

Well, Fiddlesticks!   Going like sixty.   I'll see you in the funny papers.

Don't take any wooden nickles

Heavens  to  Murgatroyd!    

 

It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills.

This can be disturbing stuff !


 

We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times.

For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age.


 

We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more,except in our collective memory. It's one of the greatest advantages of aging. 

See ya later, alligator!

 

Item #2: (Barry's Aphorisms of 2013)

 

First: Definition of APHORISM:

     1: a concise statement of a principle, or

2: a terse formulation of a truth or sentiment: an adage
 
APHORISMS OF THE YEAR
 
It's not whether you win or lose,
 but how you place the blame.
  
We have enough "youth"
How about a fountain of "smart"
The original point and click interface 
was a Smith & Wesson.
 
A Fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party
 
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
 
Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.
 
LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES:
USE BIRTH CONTROL
 
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch
.
 
Don't Drink and Drive!!
You might hit a bump and spill something.
 
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you.
 
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
 
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
 
Red meat is not bad for you: 
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
 
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name
.
 
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
 
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
 
The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population.
 
"You know why a banana is like a politician?"
"He comes in and first he is green,
then he turns yellow
and then he's rotten."
 
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors."
 
The reason Politicians try so
hard to get re-elected is that they
would 'hate' to have to make a living

under the laws they've passed.