The Rules of Minnesota

Here's to you from all of us who live in Minnesota, those of us who were born and raised here as well as some who got here as fast as they could and still others who would like to be from Minnesota. We want you to learn to understand the people of Minnesota and the Rules they live by.

First, here's something that might help you determine if you might live in Minnesota, or perhaps did at one time:

Minnesota:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
You might live in Minnesota.

If you're proud that your state makes the
national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation
,

You might live in Minnesota.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",
You might live in Minnesota.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, 
You might live in Minnesota.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, 
You might live in Minnesota.


If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
You might live in Minnesota.

 

If you know how to say...Wayzata...Mahtomedi ... Cloquet 
Edina... and Shakopee,
 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You measure distance in hours, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You know several people, who have hit deer more than once, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again,
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching,
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them,

You might live in Minnesota.

 

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, 
You might live in Minnesota.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce, 
You might live in Minnesota.

 

If "Down South" to you means Iowa
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You know "a brat" is something 
you eat,

You might live in Minnesota.

 

You find -10 degrees "a little chilly",
You might live in Minnesota.

 

You actually understand these jokes,
You DO live in Minnesota.

 

And now, here are the...

 

Rules of Minnesota :

 

1. Pull your droopy pants up.  You look like an idiot.

 

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road.  " We drive a

    Pickup Truck because we want to.  No matter how slow you drive,

    you're going to get dust on your Lexus.  Drive it or get out of the

    way.

 

3. You say our lakes smell to you.  They smell like money to us.  Get

    over it.

 

4. So you have a $60,000 car.  We're impressed.  We have $250,000

    combines that are driven only 3 times a year.

 

5. So every person in every pickup waves.  It's called being friendly;

    try to understand the concept.

 

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we

    WILL shoot it out of your hand.  You better hope you don't have it

    up to your ear at the time.

 

7. Yeah, we eat walleye & northern pike and love it.  You really want

    sushi & caviar?  It's available at the corner bait shop.

 

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.  It's a

    Religious Holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of

    November.  Try to remain accommodating about the Opener. 

 

9. We open doors for women.  That is applied to all women,

    regardless of age.

 

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.  Order steak. 

      Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the pound of ham

      & turkey.

 

11. When we fill out a dining table, there are three main dishes:

      meats, vegetables, and breads.  We use three spices: Onion,

      Pepper, and Garlic!

 

12. College and High School Football are as important here as the

      Lakers and the Knicks, and a hell of a lot more fun to watch.

 

13. Yeah, we have golf courses.  We have more golf courses per

      capita than any other state in the United States.  But don't hit the

      water hazards --it spooks the fish.

 

14. Colleges?  Try St. Olaf, Concordia, or St. John's . They come outta

      there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they

      still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the

      holidays.

 

15. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines,

      than any other state, so "Don't screw with Minnesota ."  If you

      do, you will get whipped by the best."

 



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